Musings on the Broken Heart

The thing you have to realize about the real world, is there are no happy endings;
The prince gets killed by the dragon, the sleeping beauty dies in her sleep, and true love’s kiss is not strong enough to break the witch’s spell.

In the real world, Sorrow and Anger are the steongest forces of Life.
Without Sorrow, there would be no Happiness.
Without Anger, there would be no Love.

Sorrow and Anger are the only fires strong enough to reforge the shattered blade of your being.

Yes, a moment of Sorrow is usually what breaks you;
The loss of what you though was true love, the death of a family member.

But Sadness is also what can rebuild you;
And then, in the midst of Sorrow your shattered self is suddenly reforged.
You become whole again, and as if by magic, the curtains are pulled back and you realize you were already complete long ago.
You realize that you weren’t holding onto your past. It was holding onto you.

You suddenly realize that you didn’t still love the girl after that break up.
You stopped loving her long before that, when she came back to you.

And then you weep, not with Sadness, but with Joy, because you realize you’ve wasted time pining after her, when you could have rebuilt yourself.
And she will still hold a special place in your heart, but it’s no longer Her heart.

And you laugh, because you feel lighter than you’ve ever felt in years.
And you cry, because you fear you will float away.
But maybe floating away is what you need, so you let go, and let fate carry you away.

Thank you for helping me understand this.

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Relationship Rant #1

Hello again everyone.

Returning from a four month hiatus, mostly to rant about shit that’s been bugging me for the past while.

So, if you all remember, I was supposed to be finishing my novel sometime last month.
And I did. After a fashion.

However, reading through it, I realized that it does even come close to what I consider a great standard of writing.
It’s, quite honestly, shit.

And why?

Because one of the most important plot points in the bloody series, something that literally forms the basis for the entire progression of the protagonist along the entire series, can’t be put into words.

What is this critical plot device, which I leaned the entire series on?
His relationship with the female lead.

But why is it so critical to the story in the first place?
Because he gets dragged into a fight that’s neither his, nor anyone else’s in his universe.

Here’s a man whose literally willing to go the the ends of fucking creation and incinerate entire star systems to help his girl, and I can’t put it into words.

And why?! Because I’ve never experienced anything even remotely similar.
My only “romantic” experience comes from a two week long relationship back when I was 16 years old, and that ended the second her ex winked at her.

See, I’m a fairly boring person;
I didn’t get to travel a lot when I was younger, nor did I get to do anything exciting.
And in terms of social interaction, I lack most of the basic skills people seem to be born with(I blame my abusive father), and struggle with even the simplest conversations(I have like 5 or 6 friends with whom I can talk without any fear of saying something inappropriate, because we’ve known each other for so long that we communicate in a language of our own).
So when it comes to character development, most routes are blocked to me from the get-go, simply because I can’t communicate in that manner, and I can’t write in a voice that’s so obviously fake…
The other three choices are: War, romance, and internal monologues.
The first and third I have a lot of, but I don’t want my protagonist to be perceived as a whiny little bitch(There’s twilight for that), and so, I would’ve loved to add some actual romantic interaction into the mix(Think somewhere along the lines of Jesse Custer and Tulip from ‘Preacher’, minus the rabbits-in-heat-sex(The comic is an incredible read BTW, and I recommend it very much)).

So, unfortunately, until I actually get any real world experience(With either travelling to exotic places or romance, or both), I’m scrapping everything I’m writing(Well, not really scrapping, just sticking it in a locked drawer and dumping the key).

With that said, until next time,
Max, signing off.

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First of all, let me apologize for my long silence on the blog.

I’ve had a lot happen;
My mum broke her leg, my dog almost died, I started revision on my WIP(Not going so great… Otherwise I’d be posting every other day about how awesome I’m doing), finally got around to cleaning my desk(after putting it off for AGES) and with the Ender’s Game film coming out(actually, it’s been out for a few days now, but yeah…), I decided to make time to read the actual book and oh my god it was AMAZING! The final few pages, from when Ender finds the monument the Formics built for him up until the very end of the book had me in tears and I actually stained several pages…

So naturally I had to read “Speaker”, which I enjoyed as well, and am now starting on “Xenocide”.

But I’m losing my train of thought here…

In three weeks I’ll see a psycho therapist to diagnose me with ADHD(or say I don’t have anything like that, and I just need more sleep/less sleep or something like that), which has me excited and terrified:
excited because I might be able to finally stay focused on a page for longer than 5 seconds(the learning kind, not the reading kind).
Terrified because I don’t know how these drugs will actually affect me if I do get prescribed something…


But now for the most important bit, and the reason why this post is titled “Jackpot”.

During my desk cleaning, I stumbled upon a 3 year old notebook.
Normally, you’d think, “Eh, a 3 y/o notebook. I can just dump it.”
Thankfully, I’m not your normal guy, and I never throw my notes. At least, the important ones. school related stuff gets chucked about as soon as I’m done with it.
Anyway, like I said, This particular notebook wouldn’t be of interest, even to me, unless I actually remembered what it was about.
And as luck would have it, just two weeks prior I recalled that at one time I started writing a story that was a far cry from my usual writing, in first person no less.
So as I thumbed through the pages, I started remembering that I was working on back stories for my antagonists when I started writing this particular story, and this was actually part of that back story.
Of course, the style will have to be updated, and the POV would have to be revised for 3rd person(along with massive cosmetic alterations), but it’s actually a very solid story which shows that despite the main bad guys in my trilogy seeming like massive assholes, they might not be as bad as the story makes them out to be(History is written by the victors and all that), and that on of the main characters in my current WIP might actually be responsible at least in part to them becoming evil fucking bastards in the first place.

Obviously I’ll have to figure out a time frame in which to tell it, because I’m not going to turn the clock back several millennia just for some back story, so I figure I’ll place it in a sort of journal or the character telling her history to other travelers before she met my protagonist, or even while they are separated(There are quite a few chances to stick it in chronologically wise).


So yeah, apparently I actually found another almost finished book while I was cleaning my desk, and now I have that to work on while I cool down from revising my main WIP.

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Con Adventures

Again, I’m sorry for the long radio silence.
Two weeks ago my mum broke her leg, so I coupdn’t really update, as I was busy taking care of her.

Anyways, last week I went to my firat I-Con(Israeli anime/manga/comics convention), and I had a lot of fun.



I never knew how many cosplayers and anime fans there were here.
I Don’t know how it’s like in other places, but over here, the communities are pretty silent(at least I never encountered a lot of other fans(possibly wasn’t looking hard enough, but still)).

I also finished the first draft of my novel last week, and decided to take the next two weeks or so off before starting the first round of revisions(and there is a lot of work to be done), after which I’ll send ir over to my editor for some much needed grammer and proof reading(I don’t want to send the raw file, because it’s horribly written, and I don’t want to be kicked in the face.

So yeah… Apparently my book’s done…
I’ve no idea what to do right now…
I’ll probably do some much needed cleaning around the house, catch up on a few shows I like before the new seasons start, and see about starting another WIP(I have a few more ideas for short stories and novellas that will tie in with the “main” book(that world is so vast, it’d be a shame to only write three novels exploring it)).

Anyone got any suggestions what I should do while I let my manuscript cool off?

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Home Stretch!

Can’t believe it’s been two weeks since I posted here last.

And on the other hand… I can’t believe it’s been only two weeks.

So much has happened, it felt like much longer…


Well, first order of business(I’m kinda late with it, and I’m very sorry);

Never Forget.

It’s already been 12 years since the 9/11 terrorist bombings in WTC and the Pentagon.
I still can’t believe that I’ve lived most of my life AFTER the bombings.

It’s something that just fades into the background, but you never truly forget how you felt when the twin towers came down…
And yeah, maybe it didn’t affect me as much as those who lived next to it, or lost loved ones, mostly because I’m living half a world away, and have to live in the shadow of a full blown war pretty much 24/7, especially since the “Arab Spring” broke out two years ago, with the rebellions in Egypt and Syria(If anyone’s interested, I have 45 seconds to put on a gas mask and find a shelter if Assad decides to launch his WMDs), but pretty much everyone here knows how those who lost loved ones in 9/11 feel, and with the exception of a few religious trolls(sorta like the American WBC), 9/11 is remembered as a day of grieving, even if not on a national level, most people actually take a moment to say a prayer(if that helps them).


Not going to bring everyone down anymore.

Subject change.

I’m nearly done with my WIP(MS1). I have about a chapter’s worth of words left till I’m finished writing the bloody manuscript, then it’s time for revisions, edits, maybe another round of plotting(I’m pretty sure I can develop the setting at least), commissioning art, and then starting the arduous process of sending it around to people to criticize and give their input into what can be improved.

I don’t even know how I got to this point, but it’s good to see the ending, even if it’s only a 1/3 of the way done(remember it’s supposed to be a three part series).

Guess I’ll keep that new year’s resolution after all…


I’m terribly sorry for my radio silence(Here, on Twitter, and on FB), but I sorta had to lose contact with the world to get writing again.
It also felt real good to get in touch with my real world friends once in a while again, so there’s that too.

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Nostalgia Week!

So this past few days I’ve had trouble writing, and I decided to take the next week or so off, give my burning mind a rest and gather the strength to finish my novel.

To do that, I’ve attempted to hunt down my past(movies, books, etc) to see if I can get some of those inspiration wheels turning again.

The search yielded a few unexpected fruits.

One of those fruits is an old(sort of) animation movie I’ve watched once when I was about 12 or 13, and I believe it was around that same time when I first attempted writing something.
Said movie?
A cliche fantasy/romance french animation flick called “The Rain children(Les Enfants de la pluie)” directed by Philip Leclerc(Came out in 2003).
I’ve ever seen that film once(With an English voice over), and most likely forgot about pretty quickly.
Two days ago, I remembered most of the plot(Saying “The plot resurfaced from the vast abyss that is my subconscious mind” would probably be more appropriate), and with the help of the beautiful people at I was able to find it.
However, despite looking everywhere, I couldn’t find an English version of it(I’m ashamed to admit I pirated it. one of about 10 movies or so I haven’t actually paid for), so I had to make due with my flawed French and crappy English subs that didn’t catch half the dialogue in the film.

So I watched it, and prepared for disappointment, because movies and books always feel nicer when it’s been several years since you last touched them, and your mind makes them seem like they’re better than how they actually are.
I was only slightly disappointed, mostly because my memory is usually infallible with these things. You don’t believe me? Here’s my post on said site:

So about a decade ago(Probably…) I watched an animated fantasy movie about two races:One is the embodiment of fire, and thus, whenever water touches them, they feel pain and get burned.The other is the embodiment of water. They have those weird “sun stones” in their chests that are awesome for the fire people, and in the summer they turn to statues.During summer, the fire people send raiders to the water people’s city, and blow the water people up to get the sun stones.There’s also a pool with a dragon that was split down the middle, and basically that’s the reason why the two races can’t live together.A fire boy falls in love with a water girl, and eventually, after a fight with a fire person who became demonic because he ate dozens of sun stones, they manage to do that, with the protagonist taking the statue of his girlfriend into the pool with the dragon, thus reviving her.

See? That’s basically the plot of the movie, which I remembered after about 9 years of not thinking about this thing once.

So yeah, I didn’t get any new insights for my writing, but I did enjoy re-watching the movie, if only to see the ending where the two star crossed impossible lovers are united.
I’m a hopeless romantic. Kill me.
Which is also why I’d make a terrible romance writer(And I tried writing romance once… It was awful >< So I keep romancing as character development, not an actual plot line).

There were probably other things I’d wanted to write, but it’s 3 AM at the time of writing these lines, so I’m just a tiny bit sleepy and a whole lot of dopey and confused.

Also, my train of thought is all over the place, so I can’t really figure out how I managed to write 300 words on the same topic…

Till next time!

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Novel update

So, I know I promised I’d post the next chapter in the next week, but that was before I committed a serious murder.

No, not an actual murder(At least legally), but still very much a murder in my eyes.

Those of you who remember this post know that it’s been coming.
I’ve finally executed the death scene that I was trying to delay as much as possible, after the plot gods forced my hand to move.

I’m serious about the plot gods.
I’d planned to axe him during the final scene of chapter 7, but I somehow found myself committing the murder halfway through chapter 6.

Had I released the novel right now, pretty much none of you would care about the death of this character until you’re re-reading the series for the second time.
Which is pretty bad, since his death sort of kicks the gears of the plot into motion.

Obviously something I’ll have to remedy as I revise the novel after I’m done writing MS1.

So I won’t post another chapter for at least another 4 days, as my characters and I grieve his passing.

I the meantime, I wanted to write this post to show you guys that I’m not dead and I do remember what I promised, just that it’ll take a bit longer than anticipated.

Another reason that I’m putting it off is because despite the great reception of the prologue(Which launched my nose into orbit, thanks a lot, guys >>), I am not thrilled to be posting raw, un-revised and unedited works.
And also because I’m a lazy mofo, and I get distracted real fast when I’m typing stuff…


It’s one of those chapters that requires a pretty big rewrite, seeing as I wasn’t entirely sober when I wrote it, and it was incredibly bad.

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